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Doctor Doctor…………

Today was the day of the doctors appointment, both me and my Dad..
My Dad went first and my Mum got with him to make sure he told everything;)
He got an appointment for the gallbladder operation, but there is a 16 weeks waiting list….and he got some more medication for his depression.

I got some names for psychologists that I had to call and get an appointment, because my depression is so bad right now that no-one but a psychologist can help me..the Doctor almost doubled my dose of medicine from 150 mg to 225 mg a day…..
So I’ll start mailing them tomorrow……….

My parents thought I seemed so depressed today that we had a “talking séance”……

When I got back from the cancer rehab I had a lot of initiative on talking from the psychologist, that I had to discuss with my parents.
We never got around to it because my Dad got sick, but today they thought it would be a great idea to talk.

So we talked for about two hours……..about how I felt guilty about what had happened………how I felt that I was always whining, they told me I didn’t…about how scared they were about me dying before them, and how they would look after me, if I got sick again and could not take care of myself.

The main thing that I can`t tell them, is that I´m so afraid to die...
We talked a little about my 50/50 chances, and they would take care of me, but just how scared I am, I can`t tell them..maybe later.

We all were completely drained after that talk, so I went home to be by myself.

So that is what have happened to me today………..

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Comments

( 32 comments — Leave a comment )
kes1807
Feb. 9th, 2009 07:26 pm (UTC)
*hugs you so tight* That's good that you have started to talk about this to your parents, don't bottle this up. You need to get this out. If you want to talk, please email me.

*hugs you again*
pippii
Feb. 9th, 2009 07:51 pm (UTC)
Thanks hon,
I really needed to start talking with my parents, some of it is almost 18 month old, how we all felt back then...
And be sure I will email you, you understand how I feel..
♥LOVE YOU♥
ckll
Feb. 9th, 2009 07:41 pm (UTC)
You must tell them how you feel. I think you are a sweet and brave person and i feel that everything will be alright ♥
pippii
Feb. 9th, 2009 07:56 pm (UTC)
Thanks hon,
you mean the world to me..
I need to talk to my parents as I discovered today, but I have tried to protect them from how I was and that was a mistake I know that now....
You are one of the reasons I want to survive and beat this cancer!!
LOVES YOU♥
(no subject) - ckll - Feb. 9th, 2009 08:00 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - pippii - Feb. 9th, 2009 08:08 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ckll - Feb. 9th, 2009 08:23 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - pippii - Feb. 9th, 2009 08:36 pm (UTC) - Expand
silkmoth101
Feb. 9th, 2009 07:50 pm (UTC)
It's so good you start talking with your parents.
You're in my heart, hun!
pippii
Feb. 9th, 2009 08:03 pm (UTC)
Thanks honey,
I need to start talking to them, we try to protect each other, and that is not good..
It is friends like you that make me want to get better..
♥hugs and kisses♥
(no subject) - silkmoth101 - Feb. 9th, 2009 08:18 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - pippii - Feb. 9th, 2009 08:51 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - silkmoth101 - Feb. 9th, 2009 08:59 pm (UTC) - Expand
biggelois
Feb. 9th, 2009 08:15 pm (UTC)
You got a heavy load to carry there. I can't tell you enough how much I feel for you.
Love is coming your way.

::hugs::
pippii
Feb. 9th, 2009 08:37 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much,
it is comments like yours that make me want to cuntinue my struggle.
♥love you back♥
silverstrings
Feb. 9th, 2009 08:30 pm (UTC)
Jeg tenker på deg, kære. Det var nok ingen let samtale å ta, du er tapper som åpnet deg slik!

Jeg kan ikke engang forestille meg, hvad du går igenom, men mine tanker er med deg.

Store klemmer....
pippii
Feb. 9th, 2009 08:41 pm (UTC)
Tak for det,
det var svært at tale om, men en ting var vi enige om, det var godt jeg fik strålebehandling i Norge, for den er bedre end den man får her i Danmark..
Det er så dejligt at have venner som dig, det gør at jeg bedre kan klare dette.
♥kuns og kram♥
(no subject) - silverstrings - Feb. 9th, 2009 08:56 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - pippii - Feb. 9th, 2009 09:14 pm (UTC) - Expand
hay1ock
Feb. 9th, 2009 08:33 pm (UTC)
Not very good with all this but i just wanna send much love and hugs hun *holds you tight* xx
pippii
Feb. 9th, 2009 08:45 pm (UTC)
Just you answering this makes everything so much easier for me.
Thanks you and *hugs you back*
redcandle17
Feb. 9th, 2009 09:45 pm (UTC)
The main thing that I can`t tell them, is that I´m so afraid to die...

They probably know. Unless a person is suicidal, we're all afraid to die. If it would make you feel better to voice your fears aloud, you should do it. *hugs*
pippii
Feb. 10th, 2009 08:59 am (UTC)
Yeah they do.
I will tell them, but I know they feel the same way too.
♥hugs♥
kasiopeia
Feb. 9th, 2009 10:05 pm (UTC)
Hi, I know it has been a while, but I just wanted too tell you that I'm still here :)

I think it is great that you took the time to talk together. It's good for all of you.

*Love you and a big hug from me*
pippii
Feb. 10th, 2009 09:00 am (UTC)
Hey you,
I´m glad we had that talk too.
♥hugs and kisses and love you too♥
(Deleted comment)
pippii
Feb. 10th, 2009 09:00 am (UTC)
Me too hon♥
*hugs*
babydracky
Feb. 10th, 2009 10:32 am (UTC)
My Kastanje Honey♥
I'm happy toy found into yourself the force to talk with your parent. They will always be here for you and you know that but I know it isn't esay to talk about some things but you did and as always you have been so courageous.
It certainly is hard to talk with your parent about you being scared but they certainly know and you'll feel so much better if you can tell them. But you already did it by talking with them and it is important.
*HOLD YOU REALLY TIGHT*
And I deeply feel you'll be fine. I just feel it, Honey♥
pippii
Feb. 10th, 2009 08:23 pm (UTC)
Thanks sweetie,
I really needed to talk to my parents. They know how I feel now and I know how they feel, so it is easier now.
And I don`t know what I should have done without them, I really don`t...
Thank you for being such a sweet friend to me.
♥LOVE YOU♥
catsperspective
Feb. 10th, 2009 01:42 pm (UTC)
You have a lot to deal with right now and from the past. Talking about it is the first step in trying to get past it. *sends hugs*
pippii
Feb. 10th, 2009 08:24 pm (UTC)
Thanks honey,
now it`ll be easier the next times.
♥hugs back♥
angieobsessed
Feb. 11th, 2009 04:24 pm (UTC)
*hugs tight*

&hearts get some rest honey.

love you
pippii
Feb. 11th, 2009 05:33 pm (UTC)
Thanks honey,
I love you too.
♥hugs back♥
( 32 comments — Leave a comment )

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