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Oh so sad........

This have been a few depressing days lately.
Sunday my body just decided it didn’t have anymore energy to keep things together and broke down…..meaning that I don`t have energy to pretend that I’m fine and gave in to the depression.

It is like I feel this overwhelming sadness, without being able to tell exactly why I’m sad, an urge to cry and a feeling that I just cant be around other people without panicking. I’m dizzy and I’m cold.
My mum came to check on me and we had coffee and watched the last three episodes of “Supernatural” season 2.

Monday and Tuesday I just sat here at home not leaving the flat, trying not to cry and watching dvds….
Wednesday my parents dragged me out to the market were I bought some great vegetables, and then mum came and had coffee and we started on season 3..

Today mum had to see the doctor and I went with her, and then we went shopping for a couple of hours and had coffee. After that we met with my dad at my grandmothers and talked for a while….

One good thing that come from all of this is that I’ve started cooking again….I love to cook but haven’t for a really long time, but now I have to make sure mum eats properly so I’m cooking again.

I have a doctors appointment Tuesday and then I have to talk further treatment. I’ve decided to stay on the meds for a while and postpone that psychiatrist for a while. I don`t feel like telling a complete stranger about my life just now…

And then something completely different:
I’ve been going through my dvds today and discovered that I have two copies of “Devour”. So if anyone wants a free Jensen Ackles movie let me know and I’ll send it to you.
The cover is danish and the dvd is region 2...and the movie is not as bad as its reputation;)
EDIT: Went to angieobsessed

♥big hugs to all of you for listening to me♥


( 15 comments — Leave a comment )
Oct. 23rd, 2008 07:30 pm (UTC)
*hugs you tight* Awww sweetie I know just how you are feeling, you could have been describing me just then. I hope you start to feel better soon, you are a strong person after all you've been through and you still always have time for me. Sorry I can't email just yet, my stupid email is still not working properly, but I am starting to get the odd email through, so hopefully it will be ok in the next day or two.

I'm pleased you've started cooking again, that is good, just remember you are only human and you can't do everything straight away, one step at a time and I'm sure things will improve for you.

Just know I'm thinking of you.

*hugs & kisses*♥
Oct. 23rd, 2008 08:10 pm (UTC)
Ohh honey I’m so sorry that you feel the same way that I do.
And please don`t get me wrong in what I am saying now, but I’m pleased that you know how it is…not that I’m glad that you feel bad, but it is easier to talk when people know what you are going through.
♥hugs you tight♥

I really hope that your email start working soon, it’s so not funny being cut off from the world;)

I’m pleased about the cooking too…it makes me relax, I like it and I can make sure that both my parents and I get something healthy to eat….
I try to take one step at the time and now this is a thing I can do, and that is good enough for now.

♥I love you and I think about you and your family a lot.

Oct. 24th, 2008 12:47 am (UTC)
this may sound corny but try writing. I started writing my first slash fic when I was dealing with depression 5 years ago. It didn't cure me but it helped a bunch :)
Oct. 24th, 2008 07:45 am (UTC)
Thanks hon,
Yeah I started writing some 100 words drabbles for a community called Smallearth, and that was quite relaxing, so thanks for the advice.
(Deleted comment)
Oct. 24th, 2008 07:45 am (UTC)
Thank you honey.
Oct. 24th, 2008 05:52 am (UTC)
oh babe!
i jsut wanted to let you know that im here for you
and that its OKAY to cry
ive had my fair share of depression
what with all the crap ive been through
and ive seen people depressed before
and it always help to have your family there
which you do
so your one of the lucky one
Oct. 24th, 2008 07:48 am (UTC)
Thanks sweetheart,
I know you are here and I appreciate that.
I´ve had depressions before, just not so bad that it needed treatment, so it really got me down this time...but it have been some rough 15 months so it was expected.
And I´m really lucky having my parents to help me;)
Oct. 24th, 2008 05:53 am (UTC)
*hugs tight*

If I'd be ab le to I'd come over this afternoon and smooch you with candy and we'd have lots of fun.

YAY for the cooking.

And what movie? *is confused*

*hugs again*
Oct. 24th, 2008 07:56 am (UTC)
♥hugs back♥
I just pretend you`re here and that is fun;)
Yeah I always loved to cook, so I´m glad I´m able to do it again.

The movie is a horror movie Jensen made in 2005, it´s a bit gory, but not that bad, and he looks really hot and cute in it;)
Check it out here:

And I don`t need two copies so one is up for who ever wants it;)
♥love you♥
Oct. 24th, 2008 09:15 am (UTC)
Well if you don't need it I'd gladly take it.

Which by the way I'm planning on sending you a little something else anyway.
Oct. 24th, 2008 09:19 am (UTC)
Great, I´ll send it tomorrow;)
And you are way to nice to me you know.
♥hugs and kisses♥
(Deleted comment)
Oct. 24th, 2008 08:01 am (UTC)
Thanks my wonderful får,
I look forward to your parcel and be sure to let you know when it arrives.
All my reactions are normal concidering what I have been through...other people just get them a little at the time during their illness, I just postponed all of mine because I couldn`t deal with it at the time, with all the other treatment....
So now I have to deal with all of it at the same time *sigh*
But I promise to reat, I don`t have much energy so I have to;)
♥big hugs and kisses♥
Oct. 25th, 2008 09:49 am (UTC)
Hey my wonderful Får,
Thank you sooooooooooooooo much for the parcel, just got it;)
The doll is beautiful and the får is so cute, just like you♥
I´m gonna name her Chryss^^
Thank you so much it made my day.
♥big hugs and kisses♥
Oct. 24th, 2008 09:23 pm (UTC)
My Dear Kastanje Honey
I'm so sorry to hear that. But you know you have had a very hard year and you have been so courageous! It's normal, I think, that your body needs a little time to recover and having a little breakdown isn't so bad I think because you know why and it'll better soon enough. You just need time to feel yourself once again.
I'm happy you have your parents and that you're spendin time with them, they make you happy^^
And then do all the things you love! And cooking seems good! I wish I could have a little piece of your cooking!:p
Oct. 24th, 2008 09:51 pm (UTC)
Hey sweetie,
It has been a really rough year and now I just can`t handle it anymore..so I´m pleased that I went to the doctor and got some help...You are right I need to listen to my body for once.

I spend a lot of time with my parents and today I cooked for two hours making dinner for my parents and my grandmoter and myself for the entire weekend;)

I cook for you when we meet, I promise^^
I´m really tired now but in a good way, so I will be able to sleep.
And I want you to know, that you being here and being so kind to me helps me so much.
♥love you♥
( 15 comments — Leave a comment )

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