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Because then I would know…..
I have my next check up at the hospital Wednesday, and this time I’m really scared.
I have absolutely no idea on how it would go.
This time, if everything looks well and the mammography in October turns out good, I will be categorised as a one-year-cancer-survivor…and the hospital will start to count my remaining years from that.
I’m so scared right now that I had to cancel my physiotherapy appointment today, because I feel that if anyone touches me today I’m gonna start to cry.
I just can’t have anyone being nice to me today…..
I have a session with the psychologist tomorrow, maybe she can calm me down a little….
I know that a lot of people feels just like me and are even sicker than me, but right now I just feel so alone, as if I’m the only one on the planet…..



( 49 comments — Leave a comment )
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Sep. 7th, 2009 10:53 am (UTC)
OK sweetie, calm down... i wont be nice... but i will remind you that you are ENTITLED to feel this way... ok??? You are not alone... we are all here with you in spirit...

You have achieved so much, done so much, and i am so very very proud of you sweetheart...


Sep. 7th, 2009 10:54 am (UTC)
and when i said calm down, i meant it is a nice way... but trying not to be nice... *confuses myself*

(no subject) - pippii - Sep. 7th, 2009 11:37 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - pippii - Sep. 7th, 2009 11:36 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - garvaldmains - Sep. 7th, 2009 12:11 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - pippii - Sep. 7th, 2009 12:44 pm (UTC) - Expand
Sep. 7th, 2009 11:04 am (UTC)
A major milestone this week. I hope everything goes well for you, and that I could be there for you!

Sep. 7th, 2009 11:38 am (UTC)
Thank you honey so much for your support.
Sep. 7th, 2009 11:58 am (UTC)
Oh Pip.....*hugs you so tight*
I wish I could sit you down at my kitchen table and feed you coffee or tea and just let you talk or cry or whatever you felt like doing. My table is famous like that....known widely as the talking table *nods*
Love you honey....
Sep. 7th, 2009 12:45 pm (UTC)
Awww Mags thanks honey, I would love to have coffee and a cry at your table...
♥love you for everything♥
Sep. 7th, 2009 12:03 pm (UTC)
Honey, think positive, it's going to be alright.
(hugs tight)
Sep. 7th, 2009 12:47 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much darlin, I do my best....
I can always read your lj and squeee about the boys, that is a good thought♥
♥loves you♥

The little devil is sitting on a shell here in my living-room making me smile every time I see him....my Mum actually squeed over him yesterday♥
(no subject) - ckll - Sep. 7th, 2009 01:30 pm (UTC) - Expand
Sep. 7th, 2009 12:18 pm (UTC)
Oh honey...

The best advice I can offer is to not dwell it. Try to stay positive (as cliche as that sounds) and keep yourself relaxed as best as you can. Clean the house, make something out of paper, watch TV, read slash, anything you can think of that'll keep you relaxed and happy.

Like garvaldmains said above, "You have achieved so much, done so much". We're all proud of you ^_^
Sep. 7th, 2009 12:50 pm (UTC)
Thanks hon, I do my best, but sometimes it is just to hard.....
Well I cleaned yesterday so perhaps I should go on with the jewellery making and the TV, I´ve got some new Dvds I haven´t seen.
♥hugs and cuddles♥
(no subject) - kos_mos607 - Sep. 7th, 2009 05:40 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - pippii - Sep. 7th, 2009 06:41 pm (UTC) - Expand
Sep. 7th, 2009 12:48 pm (UTC)
Oh, sweetheart, what if I can't help being nice to you? Everything will be alright, you'll see. (Yes, I know that doesn't help at all, still - I really think so)
Sep. 7th, 2009 12:52 pm (UTC)
Thanks darling, this is really helping makeing me less scared....other people haveing faith in this.
♥loves you♥
Sep. 7th, 2009 01:02 pm (UTC)
I wish you all the best sweetie. Honestly I do.
Huge hugs your way
Sep. 7th, 2009 01:07 pm (UTC)
Thank you honey I means so much to me♥
Hugs back to you♥
Sep. 7th, 2009 01:31 pm (UTC)
Sweetheart, I'd like to be there and hug you tight.
Try to think positive, try to stay calm and don't feel lonely. You are not alone, I guess I can speak for everyone if I tell you that we are with you. Of course, I'd like to be there but all my positive thought are with you.
I think it's normal to be preccupied, but please, don't be sacared ♥
Love you
Sep. 7th, 2009 03:00 pm (UTC)
Thank you my sweet, your words of comfort means the world to me.
It is just that one year is the beginning of a new aera for me you know....it is weird, I don´t know how to explain it.
♥Love you♥♥
(no subject) - babycin - Sep. 7th, 2009 03:04 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - pippii - Sep. 7th, 2009 03:19 pm (UTC) - Expand
Sep. 7th, 2009 01:47 pm (UTC)
hey honey, just reax.
your body shows your feeling. You should have positive and the result improves your thinking.
Well breast cancer inspection free ticket reached me from my city hall today. I also to inspect it of this year ;)
Sep. 7th, 2009 02:56 pm (UTC)
Thanks hon, I´ll try.
Please go to the control, so you don´t get sick like I did.
Sep. 7th, 2009 02:01 pm (UTC)
I just can’t have anyone being nice to me today…


*shoves you down a flight of stairs and steals all your candy*

Is that better?

All kidding aside though, I hope the test goes well! *fingers crossed*

(Don't worry, I'll give you... uh.. some of the candy back!)

Edited at 2009-09-07 02:02 pm (UTC)
Sep. 7th, 2009 02:58 pm (UTC)
* picks one self up of the bottom of the stairs*
Oh yeah I feel so much better now;)

Thank you for your concern honey it means so much to me♥
And I like the candy back^^
(no subject) - sams1ra - Sep. 7th, 2009 03:25 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - pippii - Sep. 7th, 2009 03:26 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - sams1ra - Sep. 7th, 2009 03:46 pm (UTC) - Expand
(Deleted comment)
Sep. 7th, 2009 02:55 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much for this sweetheart, it makes me feel better knowing you think of me.
♥loves you♥

Did Hannah like her elephant???
(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - pippii - Sep. 7th, 2009 03:18 pm (UTC) - Expand
Sep. 7th, 2009 02:45 pm (UTC)
I just can’t have anyone being nice to me today…..

Okay, så må du sørme til at tage dig sammen, og lade være med at være et tudefjæs. ;)
Jeg sender dig i hvert fald nogle nice tanker!!!

Sep. 7th, 2009 02:54 pm (UTC)
"Okay, så må du sørme til at tage dig sammen, og lade være med at være et tudefjæs. ;)"
Åhh tak, nu har jeg det meget bedre;)

Tusind tak for omsorgen.
Sep. 7th, 2009 04:42 pm (UTC)
Hi love

You have so many good friends here.. giving so many good wishes.. and that is cos you're a person who cares for others so,so much.. Let us all wish you the very best and wrap you up in a big hug..I'll be thinking of you constantly from now till then.. You deserve some pampering..

PS. I received your postcard while I was on holiday. It was lovely - thank you. Hope you had a great time (I haven't had time to look at your lj yet - shhh I'm at work now)

PPS. I had some good news this morning..My friend who was diagnosed with leukaemia celebrates his first year of remission tomorrow. This time last year he was preparing for the worst.. he says he couldn't've got through it without all the support from his family and friends. He was very tearful this morning but I just held him and let him cry - he said he needed to, but didn't want to cry in front of his wife..He was trying to not show emotion in front of her cos she'd been so wonderful for the past year.. So I understand how worried and upset you are feeling..

I'd love to meet you and give you a big hug - a special hug for a special person.. You are a treasure my friend..


Love Julie

Sep. 7th, 2009 06:44 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much sweetheart, your words means the world to me, thank you♥
I´m glad you liked the card, I had a great vacation.
Your friend is lucky to have you, and I understand him not wanting to show weakness in front of his wife.......
Thanks so much for the hugs I love it♥
♥hugs and kisses♥
Sep. 7th, 2009 05:19 pm (UTC)
But we all loves ya so can't help being nice to you :) *squishes*
Thinking of you hun XXX
Sep. 7th, 2009 06:45 pm (UTC)
Awww I like you being nice to me hon, thank you♥
(Deleted comment)
Sep. 7th, 2009 06:47 pm (UTC)
Tak skal du have.
Det er svært at forklare hvorfor jeg er så bange denne gang, det er jo gået godt de to andre gange...
Måske er det fordi at så er mit første cancerfri år gået, og lægerne gav mig en diagnose på 40% for at være i live i fem år....
Tak for alt din støtte.
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