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This might offend some of you…

I’ve been talking about nieces for a long time, and yesterday at the psychologist we talked about my sister and her kids….today I talked to my parents about the session yesterday - I need them to know and understand what we are talking about - and all of a sudden something hid me like a ton of bricks…..The kids that I will never have.
As you know I don`t have a boyfriend, never had many and never missed them. What I always wanted are kids or just one…..
As I got my care helper education a couple of years ago, I talked everything over with my parents, considering children.
On the net they found a clinic in Copenhagen that helps single women and lesbians having kids.
We talked it over and decided to contact them when I had been working for six months. As I was pushing 39 at that time I didn’t have that much time. My parents even offered to pay for everything when the time came.
As you also know I got cancer two months after my education and everything that happened after that.
So today it hit me..I´m turning 40 in a month and thanks to the chemotherapy I will never be able to have children, help or no help……I have sort of blocked it out, but today I remembered…and the fact makes me sad…..


( 34 comments — Leave a comment )
Mar. 14th, 2009 03:39 pm (UTC)
Why would this possibly offend anyone?? I want to slap anyone who made you feel like this was something you had to apologize for. It's a terrible thing and I'm sorry it happened to such a nice person like you. I'm sure you would have been a great mother. *hugs*
Mar. 14th, 2009 05:05 pm (UTC)
Thanks for your kind words and for being so supportive..I just know that some people don`t like the idea of having children this way without them having a dad……but you say it your self I’m sure I would have been a great mother….but at least I have a chance to be the best aunt ever.
♥hugs you

Mar. 14th, 2009 03:50 pm (UTC)
Why would anyone be offended by this?
It is your choice to make, not anyone elses and you would have made an excellent Mum.

I am so so sorry you can't go ahead with this now. Have they told you that the chemo has stopped this, because I know a couple of people who have had chemo and then went on to have kids?

Don't give up, you could always try for adoption or foster care I know it's not quite the same as having your own, but they would be yours anyway.

*hugs you so tight* xx
Mar. 14th, 2009 05:11 pm (UTC)
Thanks honey for always being so supportive and kind to me.
Yeah I would have been a great Mum….
The chemo send me into menopause and even if I get a period now and then it is just 1½ days….and when you have had a life treathening disease like cancer you cannot get help from a clinic or be allowed to adopt.
I still have a chance to be the worlds greatest aunt, and there are other children that I care deeply about so that’ll have to do.
♥hugs you back♥
Thank you

Mar. 14th, 2009 03:52 pm (UTC)
I know how you feel, I guess. I never wanted children until I got married, but we didn't have them because of Michaels genetic condition. So after Michael died, I had a lot of regret and thought of ways to have children, none of I took.

Now at 49, I'm happy I don't, but it was hard when the urge was in me.
Mar. 14th, 2009 05:14 pm (UTC)
♥hugs you tight♥
Thank you for telling me this.
I know I will get over it and I have a wonderful niece that I put all my feelings into, but the realisation is hard to face.
♥thank you so much♥
Mar. 14th, 2009 04:14 pm (UTC)
Hun, you will do whatever your heart wants and i know you will do the right thing :D
Mar. 14th, 2009 05:14 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much honey♥
Mar. 14th, 2009 04:30 pm (UTC)
I dont know how I can talk to you it but the life is not the thing which all has bad. Things improve by a way of thinking even if you think it difficult ;) I always think so.
Mar. 14th, 2009 05:16 pm (UTC)
Thanks honey, I know things will get better and I have a wonderful niece that loves me like a daughter.
I like your way of lloking at things.
Mar. 14th, 2009 06:22 pm (UTC)
Why should this offend someone? I am sorry, hun!
I can't get children, too. But I never wanted some and it still hit me over the head like a ton of bricks a few weeks ago. Can't imagine how that is for someone who wanted kids....
*hugs you tight*
Mar. 14th, 2009 06:40 pm (UTC)
Thanks honey.
I always wanted kids so the realisation hit me hard.
♥hugs you back♥
Mar. 14th, 2009 09:29 pm (UTC)
Aww, honey, who could be offended by this? The same thing happened to a friend of mine, who had leukemia, and then chemo and radiotherapy, leaving her barren. I know how hard this was for her, because she desperately wanted children, so I can sympathise with you totally. I'm sure you are a fabulous aunt, though, and I know relationships with the children of friends and family can be very important and fulfilling as well. It's still horribly unfair, though. *Hugs*
Mar. 14th, 2009 09:47 pm (UTC)
Thanks sweetheart, it is just hard when you suddenly have to face reality.
I´m sorry about your friend but I do know how she feels.
Mar. 14th, 2009 10:32 pm (UTC)
Kastanje Honey ;____;
Why do you feel like you have to apologize? I don't understand... Is it because you talk about woman who decide to have and bear a child alone?
I think it is really courageous and I don't see why people couldn't have children and take care of them because they don't have a man or a woman with them.
My mum raised me all alone.

And you know... Why couldn't you adopt?
I know it isn't an easy question... But do as your heart tells you and I know you'll be a wonderful mum!

*love you*
Mar. 15th, 2009 09:08 am (UTC)
Hey sweetie,
I know some people don`t like the idea of having children without them having both parents...but I always wanted kids, but a hosband not so much.

When you have a deadly illness like cancer you`re not allowed to adopt.

But thank god for Sarah then.
♥Love you too♥
(no subject) - babydracky - Mar. 15th, 2009 08:26 pm (UTC) - Expand
Mar. 14th, 2009 11:57 pm (UTC)
You could never offend us, especially not with something like that.

Have you thought about adoption? I am not sure what the rules are there conserning age or being a single mom, but I know you would be fantastic! The heart wants what the heart wants and you can't help that and you shouldn't feel the need to appoligize for it.

We love you and will always be here to support you.
Mar. 15th, 2009 09:11 am (UTC)
Thanks for your kind words hon.
You`re not allowed to adopt when you have had cancer because of the risk of dying early.....

Thank you for being so supportive.
(no subject) - x_posed_again - Mar. 15th, 2009 03:30 pm (UTC) - Expand
Mar. 15th, 2009 03:51 am (UTC)
*big giant hug*
Mar. 15th, 2009 09:08 am (UTC)
Thanks honey♥
Mar. 15th, 2009 09:25 am (UTC)
Minx, If anyone gets offended by this i will smack them for their ignorance, so just tell me....

I am answering via email babe...

*hugs* xx
Mar. 15th, 2009 01:09 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much Dix;)
And thanks for your email and kind words.
♥love you♥
Mar. 15th, 2009 10:40 am (UTC)
Hei min kære. Jeg blir bedrøvet av at lese dette...det er utrolig synd at systemet er slik, du hadde blivet en vidunderlig mor! Det må være svært at tale om det her...igen: du er en modig kvinde!

Jeg er glad du har Sarah, og jeg er glad hun har dig tilbage.

Si hvis der er noget, jeg kan gøre!


Edited at 2009-03-15 10:48 am (UTC)
Mar. 15th, 2009 01:13 pm (UTC)
Hej søde, jeg er ked af at jeg gør dig bedrøvet.
Tusind tak for alle dine søde ord, det er hårdt at tale om, men det hjælper når jeg har så mange søde omsorgsfulde venner her.

Har du en god J2 jeg ikke har læst, jeg trænger til noget efter alt det JP/CK jeg har skrevet....jeg håber den bliver færdig til i aften;)

♥kys og kram♥
(no subject) - silverstrings - Mar. 15th, 2009 01:40 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - pippii - Mar. 15th, 2009 05:24 pm (UTC) - Expand
Mar. 16th, 2009 02:07 pm (UTC)
I can't imagine this offending anyone, and certainly not anyone on your friends list. You had a terrible thing happen to you and this just adds to that. No doubt you would have made a wonderful mother. While I have not had the same experience as you, I do understand a little of what you are going through. At this point I don't know if Khiem and I will ever have children - it simply might not happen. I focus on the children that are in my life and work to be the best aunt, god-mother, and cool family friend I can be. *hugs*
Mar. 16th, 2009 04:13 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much Andrea for your kind words.
I thank god for Sarah and try to be the best aunt ever.
And there are kids in our "bosnia families" that I try to take care of the best I can.

I really hope things will work out for you and Khiem, cause I´m sure you both will be great parents.

♥big hugs and kisses♥
Mar. 18th, 2009 10:43 am (UTC)
oh, hon......

maybe you can adopt?
Mar. 18th, 2009 12:15 pm (UTC)
Thanks hon♥

With a cancer like mine you`re not allowed to adopt in Denmark due to the danger of dying within a short amount of years...

So I´m just gonna be the best aunt Sarah will ever have.

♥love you♥

and your icon is so cute
Mar. 19th, 2009 12:31 pm (UTC)
Why on earth would this offend someone? You're saying you would love and care for a child. That is lovely.
I'm sad that you're sad. Would you ever consider adoption?
Now this may offend some people: I have never wanted kids. Ever. Even holding my baby niece I can feel overwhelming love for her but no desire at all to have one of my own.
I know it's probably because I am selfish. I hope not in an evil way, just in a self sufficient way.

It does sounds, from other posts and this one, that you are a fantastic aunt and your niece is lucky to have you.

*hugs tight*
Mar. 19th, 2009 01:37 pm (UTC)
♥hugs you♥
Thank you so much sweetheart for being understanding.
Here in Denmark you’re not allowed to adopt when you have cancer or is a cancer survivor, something about the risk of dying within a few years....
Your statement cannot offend me, you made a decision of not having kids and that takes a lot of consideration too. I’m grateful that your tells me this.
I thank heaven for Sarah and being the best aunt and Godmother I can is the most important thing to me.
♥hugs you tight♥

( 34 comments — Leave a comment )

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