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Some of you on my friends list might have read this before, but I have just made a Meme on LJ and I just felt that I had to clarify some of the reasons that I do not have the children that I always wanted.
As a teenager and somewhat older I never found someone I really loved.
When I was 26 I found someone - he turned out to be gay (nothing wrong with that at all) other that he used me against his family,
As I always has pictured me with a bunch of kids but never picturing a wedding – had friends telling me “how sorry they felt for the kids I did not have”
Then in 2006, when I was 37, my parents and I found a clinic here in Denmark that made inseminations to women that was lesbians / or not in a relationship.
We talked it over for a long time and my parents wanted to help pay for my treatment. They wanted me to have the child I wanted so much. I would finish the education as a Social Helper I was going through, and then I would take the appointment with the clinic….we made the appointment and Mum would escort me and be there when I would get the treatment.
The thing that happened a few weeks before I could go to the clinic was that I got Breast Cancer…
And after two years of Cancer treatment, Chemotherapy and Radiation therapy, I could not conceive a child even if I wanted too...
I have to live with that for the rest of my life….
But sometimes I still think about how sorry I feel “for the kids I did not have”
Maybe I am just selfish,,,,,

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Comments

( 19 comments — Leave a comment )
a_phoenixdragon
Feb. 9th, 2015 08:55 pm (UTC)
You are NOT selfish!! You are a fighter, a survivor who has been unfortunate in the roulette wheel of life in this aspect. You would have made an awesome mother. I feel it terrible that fate has robbed you of that, but I am thrilled that you have such lovely nieces to indulge, so that while you may not get the children you should have had and more than rightly deserved, you have someone to love deeply and unconditionally all the same.

Bless you, bb.

Love you.

*hugs you hard*
pippii
Feb. 10th, 2015 03:26 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much for your kind words Mandy.
I am so blessed with my nieces here, and the honorary nieces and nephews that that I have around the world thanks to my lovely friends here... Giving me kids to love and spoil and that is what it comes down to, right?
Love you Mands♥♥
Hugs and kisses
honeyjojames
Feb. 9th, 2015 10:57 pm (UTC)
You're not selfish at all, and I'm so sorry to hear that children are another thing cancer took away from you. I didn't know that. I'm so glad you have Thea and Sarah as you are such a wonderful aunt to them, and I have no doubt you would have made an amazing mother!

I hope you don't mind me asking this, it's very personal so feel free to ignore it - what about adoption? Could/Would you do that?

*big big hugs*
pippii
Feb. 10th, 2015 03:33 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much honey for your kind words and all the help you give Sarah, that means a lot to both of us.
I am so lucky to have friends here that let me be Honourary Aunt to their children, so I have a lot of kids to love and spoil; and I love that.
No please, ask anything you want to know.
I would like adoption (Rebecca and Benedicte, my SIS girls are adopted from China) but one; as a single you have very little chance and as a former cancer patient you have no chance at all..It has to do with the length of time, they think you will live with the child, and as a Cancer survivor, there are the risk that you will get sick again.
♥Big hugs and love♥
honeyjojames
Feb. 10th, 2015 11:04 pm (UTC)
I wondered if it might be something like that. It's such a shame. I'm so glad you have other children in your life to dote on though!

Aww, no problem! I feel privileged that Sarah is willing to share her work with me! She's a lovely writer!
pippii
Feb. 18th, 2015 03:15 pm (UTC)
It is a stupid rule, but that is how it is..
I am blessed with nieces, honorary nieces and nephews, and caring lovely friends.....
So I have a better life than a lot of other people.
Sarah is so thrilled about your response, it means the world to her.
♥Hugs
jesco0307
Feb. 9th, 2015 11:13 pm (UTC)
Hon, you're like the least selfish person ever!!! Because that kids you didn't have? They'd be blessed with you as their mom!! The biggest proof though that you're not selfish? You didn't let this punch life has dealt out turn you into a bitter or resentful person, but have become the most amazing and wonderful aunt for Thea and Sarah!! They are blessed to have you!!

*hugs you tightly*
pippii
Feb. 10th, 2015 03:40 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much sweetheart your kind words means the world to me.
I am blessed with the girls and I love to spoild them as much as I can.
So very nice to see you agan, thank you for being here for me.
♥♥
digitalwave
Feb. 10th, 2015 06:55 am (UTC)
Honey, you are one of the most giving, loving people that I know. I am honored to have you as a friend.

*hugs you hard*
pippii
Feb. 10th, 2015 03:42 pm (UTC)
Thank you hon, you are such a sweet and supportive friend towards me, always have a kind word to me.
I am so pleased that you are my friend too.
♥Hugs back♥
asilia
Feb. 11th, 2015 06:53 am (UTC)
'Selfish' would really be the last word to come to mind when someone would ask me to describe you.

*hugs*
pippii
Feb. 14th, 2015 03:20 pm (UTC)
Thank you honey, your kind words and support means so much to me♥
Hugs
burned_phoenix
Feb. 11th, 2015 08:54 am (UTC)
But sometimes I still think about how sorry I feel “for the kids I did not have” I'm in a constant back and forth between that and thinking it's for the best.

I'm sorry I'll never be an aunty to the kids you won't have *hugs* I didn't know you had plans like that, but I think we only met afterwards.

And no, you're not selfish at all. If there is one person who is not selfish, it's you! *snuggles*
pippii
Feb. 14th, 2015 03:25 pm (UTC)
GOod choice,,,,Just I planned on kids from when I was ten or so...never a husbond or a wedding, just kids...
I am bessed with the girls I have now, and all the honoary Nieces and Nephews I have around the world, due to my internet Family..
Thank you darling, we are all so lucky to have you in our lives here too. ♥♥
Love you♥
burned_phoenix
Feb. 17th, 2015 10:58 am (UTC)
I think I kinda wanted the wedding, but not the husband :D And now I have the husband, and didn't even get the wedding I wanted. :D

love you too, soooo much!!!
pippii
Feb. 18th, 2015 03:04 pm (UTC)
Ohhh so sorry....one day when we are together I will ask about the wedding you really wanted.
But you are still young and you can still get a nice husband and a wonderful wedding..and If you do be sure to invite me♥
Love you darling♥♥
burned_phoenix
Feb. 19th, 2015 08:07 am (UTC)
Hehe, okay :)

Nah, I don't think I want another one. They are too much work. They are like kids, just less cute. And the few who aren't are all taken :D
haldoor
Feb. 14th, 2015 09:13 pm (UTC)
*hugs* There is nothing to say that can change how things turned out for you, but you are such a wonderful aunt to your lovely nieces, that even if it never makes up for what you have lost out on, know that you do a great job there and it will be appreciated by those lovely girls in years to come.

My sister wasn't able to have children of her own either, and I always imagined - no matter how hard that was and continues to be - that she would want to spend time with my children. I never pushed it, but always left it to her to decide how much she did or didn't do with them - sadly, she chose not to do a lot at all, and while she does still see them occasionally, I feel like she has missed out on a lot because of her attitude. She could have had a wonderful relationship with them as I made sure she was invited to things right from their births. Know that what you have with your nieces is so much more than that, and it's so very precious. You are definitely loved by them, and by me for caring so much, even when your own disappointment at not being a mother yourself has to be so great! ♥
pippii
Feb. 18th, 2015 03:09 pm (UTC)
*Hugs back* Thank you so much for your lovely words hon.
My nieces are the best girls ever and I adore every moment I spend with them.
I am sorry that your sister didn´t take the chance to get a relationship with your kids....
From my POV she are missing out on so much.
I love my nieces as if they were my own kids, and that is how it is....
♥Hugs
( 19 comments — Leave a comment )

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