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TO SLEEP, PERCHANCE TO DREAM……

…..or maybe not…
I’ve been having nightmares for the past week or so. All of them involving my sister trying to kill me….in ways that is not even funny.
The first and badest one being her smacking my head in a door, leaving me comatose and the latest her trying to kill me with a paperknife last night..
I have spend a lot of time trying to work out what it means, as it is a new way she tries every night.

After talking to my psychologist - you remember my sessions went so well - I had my sister in place in my head, in little boxes that I could control…
It has been a while since that, but I thought I had her under control.
I spend Christmas with her and I get to be with her kids..

As most of you know, she has divorced my BIL, and found another. I know that it bothers Mum and my bro and SIL… and me too as she had him long-time before she told her hubby.

Maybe she has just been a too big part of my life.
Not that I have been with her, but hearing about her, thinking about her as she calls Mum constantly…
A part of me thinks that maybe I am being a snot-nosed brat, being jealous that Mum is talking to her as much as she is - but I know that Mum does it to be with her grandkids, Rebecca and Benedicte…and that means that I can be with them too, so that should be good right??
Benedicte turns 7 on Wednesday and we are both invited to her birthday on Thursday as that is a holiday and we will both go..

Does this really mean that I am a selfish, whining brat……or should I hope that the dreams disappears soon and doesn’t mean anything??

(If you don’t know what happened between me, our parents and my SIL and BIL when I got cancer and wants to know. Let me know and I will tell you)

♥Hugs♥

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Comments

( 42 comments — Leave a comment )
arrow
May. 30th, 2011 04:38 pm (UTC)
When I read this I couldnt help but think of the episode of Supernatural "Mystery Spot" where Sam always sees Dean dying in a different way.

I dont think you're being selfish or whining. I do hope your dreams stop bothering you. I know how annoying they can be since I still have nightmares about my stepdad trying to kill my mom.

*big hugs* <3
pippii
May. 31st, 2011 07:46 am (UTC)
LOL you´re right it is like Mystery Spot.
Thank you so much for your kind words honey, and I am so sorry about your nightmares, as your experiences are real...
♥big hugs♥
arrow
May. 31st, 2011 02:03 pm (UTC)
Its alright about the nightmares. I went to church about a month ago and I bought this tiny little cross that I can stick in my purse or just about anything and I decided to put it under my pillow. It seems to have lessened my nightmares. I'll dream about my stepdad but its stupid things like talking to him about football. So maybe the tiny cross works. :)

*big hugs* <3
buzziecat
May. 30th, 2011 04:48 pm (UTC)
I'm no expert on dreams but anger at your sister seems evident. Working in out in dreams is certainly better than in actuality and you do get to see her girls so there's the good part. :)

Are you on any medications, especially something new and recently added? There are some meds that cause nightmares.

In any case, no need to beat up on yourself because you're human. Your sister has given you enough reasons to feel anger at her.

btw - have you considered putting most of your post behind a cut? It gives you more privacy.

Hugs & xoxoxo,
buzzie

Edited at 2011-05-30 04:51 pm (UTC)
pippii
May. 31st, 2011 07:49 am (UTC)
Hey Buzzie♥
I know it is my mind going through that periode again, but it is just that I have worked through it once..
I have checked my medication and it is not that, that was my first thought too.
Thank you for being such an awesome frind here.
I usually put picture posts behind a cut, but not the short ones..
♥hug and kisses♥
paloma1182
May. 30th, 2011 04:50 pm (UTC)
you know how i feel about your sister.... I dont think u are ebing selfish at all- you control your life and how u live it! dont let her effect you.

you are better than that. and i love you for it!
see should go piss off (excuse my cuss :)

LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!
pippii
May. 31st, 2011 07:51 am (UTC)
I love you my Baby-Doll, thank you for always being here for me♥
You are so right she should go piss off!
♥Love you honey♥
paloma1182
May. 31st, 2011 07:25 pm (UTC)
:) she should totally piss off!! :)
jojothecr
May. 30th, 2011 04:52 pm (UTC)
Sorry to hear you're having such bad dreams. Pretty creepy, too. And sorry that I don't know how to help you.

And, no, you're definitely not selfish. :)
pippii
May. 31st, 2011 07:52 am (UTC)
Thank you for being here and caring, it helps me a lot♥
Hugs and kisses♥
billysgirl5
May. 30th, 2011 05:08 pm (UTC)
I've always firmly believed that our dreams are our mind's way of dealing with and sorting through our thoughts and memories. While I won't try to analyze your dreams, the first thing that popped into my mind was that I wondered if you have any conflicting emotions about your sister, and you touched on that later in the post. Subconsciously, your mind could be using your dreams as a way to get you to deal with your conflicting emotions and a stressful situation with your sister. Well, so much for not analyzing your dreams, lol.

I don't think you're being selfish. You just may not be receptive to change. You're used to things being a certain way, and now, you have to adapt to the change. It's something that I think everyone goes through at least once in their life, regardless of the circumstances.

I hope you can figure things out.
pippii
May. 31st, 2011 07:55 am (UTC)
Thank you honey, for taking your time to analyzing this;)
It is a big change now getting to spend time with the girls that as I haven´t done that for years, and my mind is probably trying to process it all..
♥Thank you for your kind words.
♥Hugs and kisses♥
silkmoth101
May. 30th, 2011 05:32 pm (UTC)
In my experience when stuff so traumatic happens as it had been between your sister and you... it always comes back for an unwelcome visit from time to time.
You did work through it with your therapist, so my best advice is: Try to let it go again. The more you think about the dreams and your sister, the more it gets hold of you again.
Imo, you found a very good way to handle things with your sister for the best outcome for your life. Some things can't be changed; she will always be the kind of person she chooses to be. After what she did to you, you could do nothing else than hate her guts and poison your own life with it. You didn't do that, you let it go as well as anyone could. Do it again, sweetheart. *HUGS&LOVE*
pippii
May. 31st, 2011 10:04 am (UTC)
"You didn't do that, you let it go as well as anyone could."
Thank you for you comment sweetheart, you are so right, I can do it again.
♥Hugs and kisses♥
bflyw
May. 30th, 2011 05:45 pm (UTC)
Please update me on what went on between you when you got cancer. I'd like to be able to follow your updates now, even when they contain referenses to the past....
pippii
May. 31st, 2011 10:02 am (UTC)
I´ll PM you♥
Klemmer
biggelois
May. 30th, 2011 06:06 pm (UTC)
You're definitely not a selfish, whiny brat. The dreams are most likely your brain's way to deal with what happened. One of my professors told me that dreams can be compared to a waste disposer. Sort them out and toss them. Dreams are seldom rational, but since they are run by our id-part, they can't be rational.
Look at it as throwing out the garbage. I do hope the dreams will go away soon.

::stor kram!::

Edited at 2011-05-30 06:07 pm (UTC)
pippii
May. 31st, 2011 10:11 am (UTC)
"Sort them out and toss them."
That is great advice, thank you, I´ll do that.
♥klemmer♥
aelia1980
May. 30th, 2011 06:17 pm (UTC)
The dream really sounds scary... I don´t know what happened between you and your family (sis, sil and bil) when you got sick so it´s hard for me to tell if the dream means anything or if it is just a weird dream . The only thing I know is that you are certainly not a selfish, whining brat but a lovely, generous person and I hope those scary dreams won´t haunt you any longer
pippii
May. 31st, 2011 10:10 am (UTC)
Thank you darling.
At one point during my Chemo therapy I met my sister by accident and she looked me right in the eye and said; I can’t wait until the Cancer kills you.” I worked through it with my psychologist , so now I can be in the same room with her..but it is only to see her kids.
Thanks for all your caring and kind words.
♥Love you♥
aelia1980
May. 31st, 2011 04:24 pm (UTC)
OMG, I can´t believe that she said those evil things, how dare she? Don´t get why somebody who is supposed to love and support you, family, seems to hate you so much, you of all persons, who is so good and kind and generous. I am really really sorry that you had to experience something so mean *hugs*
pippii
Jun. 3rd, 2011 01:25 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much for you kind and wonderful words honey, they mean so much to me.
During operations, chemo and radiation therapy, I had my parents and the most wonderful friends here on lj. they took care of me and my parents, cheered for us, cried for us and stuck around for every thing...
and along the way I made new friends - like you sweetheart - that care and is here for me and let me be there for you.
So what I missed out on in siblings, I got back so much more in friends here....and you are more important to me than my sister will ever be...
♥Love you so much♥
aelia1980
Jun. 3rd, 2011 06:23 pm (UTC)
Wow... don´t know what to say... such kind words...

I´m happy that you found such good friends, and kind of a second family, here. And it makes me very happy that you count me as a friend and that I am important to you.

God bless you, hon *hugs*
angels_cordy
May. 30th, 2011 06:25 pm (UTC)
awwww my poor lovely sweetheart
*hugglestight*
Let me tell you ONE thing........YOU are absolutely NOT selfish or whiny in any way..............NEVER!!!
I hope the dreams will go away soon as you already suffered enough with that woman.
LOVE YA SWEETHEART
♥♥♥
pippii
May. 31st, 2011 10:19 am (UTC)
My Lovely Angel, thank you for being such a wonderful and caring friend.
Thank you for your kind words.
♥Love You Angel♥
woman_of_
May. 30th, 2011 06:54 pm (UTC)
Ummm! Not sure what to advise, unless it has something to do with having more contact with her now. The up side is you get to see your nieces, so that is a bounus.

*hugs and kisses*
pippii
May. 31st, 2011 10:20 am (UTC)
The upside is being with the girls and that means a lot to me.
Thank you for being such a great friend♥
Hugs and Kisses♥
(Deleted comment)
pippii
May. 31st, 2011 10:22 am (UTC)
♥hugs back♥
I think maybe getting it out in the open like this, can help getting rid if them..talking about them and throwing them out you know..
Thank you for being here♥
Love you♥
(Deleted comment)
honeyjojames
May. 30th, 2011 08:08 pm (UTC)
*hugs tightly* You are definitely not selfish or whiny. I understand all too well how much dreams can effect someone, but I really do think they're just our mind's way of sorting out things that have been going on lately. As someone mentioned above, you've had a bit of conflict with your sister, and the dreams are probably just the brain trying to deal with all the emotions. Try not to worry too much about them! *hugs*

Also, I'm not sure what happened between you all when you got cancer, but I'd like to know if that's okay?
pippii
May. 31st, 2011 10:25 am (UTC)
♥hugs back♥
Thank you honey, for being such a caring friend.
The dreams are a way of dealing with stuff I know, and I need to work through it.
Sure you can know what happened back then.
I´ll make a post I think.
♥hugs♥
(Deleted comment)
pippii
May. 31st, 2011 10:17 am (UTC)
Thank you hon.
I do remember about your dads treament of your mom and you girls..it is so low doing stuff like that to other people..
I have no doubt, that she would cut of the contact between the girls and I, if I look at her the wrong way or something.
♥HUgs back♥
a_phoenixdragon
May. 31st, 2011 06:49 am (UTC)
I hope it goes away, but I also hope you can work through what is causing them, bb...
pippii
May. 31st, 2011 10:06 am (UTC)
Thank you honey, I have worked through them once, hope I can do that again.
♥Kisses♥
i_o_r_h_a_e_l
May. 31st, 2011 09:20 am (UTC)
Oh, what terrible nightmares. :(

*hugs you*
pippii
May. 31st, 2011 10:05 am (UTC)
They really are...But my hope is they go away now I have them out in the open.
♥Hugs back♥
babydracky
Jun. 4th, 2011 12:26 pm (UTC)
I still don't understand that you're blood related and that your parents brang up both of you. This is a mystery for me.
Whatever, don't feel guilty, my Kastanje Honey. Dreams just tell you something you feel. She had been mean to you and it is easy now to pretend that everything is perfect because she now needs your mum. She is the one who is selfish and unfortunately will never change.
*HUGS YOU TIGHT*
pippii
Jun. 5th, 2011 02:48 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much My Sweetie, I feel the same..sometime I think that my parents found her in the woods..
I am doing better now, I think that getting it out in the open helped..I am not dreaming those dreams anymore.
I spend time with her Thursdag, and you are right, she will never change...all she cared about was her.
Thank you for being here Sweetie♥
Love you so much♥
babydracky
Jun. 6th, 2011 12:38 am (UTC)
♥HUGS YOU TIGHT♥
elebridith
Jun. 5th, 2011 05:13 pm (UTC)
Hun, I just read your post about what happened between you and your sister, and holy crap! You're in no way a whining brat, and I'm really not surprised that you have nightmares. I would kick that woman for you if I could!

*big hugs*
pippii
Jun. 6th, 2011 03:51 pm (UTC)
Thanks honey. You are welcome to kick her if you want to;)
♥big hugs and thank you♥
( 42 comments — Leave a comment )

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