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That was the first thing I realised when Dad died at the hospital…I was standing there and my entire world had been smashed and changed….and the world outside just kept on going as always..it was so weird, it needed to stop, because my Dad is dead and everything is changed!!!
But it isn’t, I just have to adjust to the new world…..
To tell the truth, it is not easy..I´m still cut completely from every emotion or feeling, so I’m doing ok…

My Mum is hanging in there too..we have been cleaning out some of my Dads stuff…dvds and books that we put up for sale for money to our families in Bosnia - he would have wanted that instead of just throwing them out - and some clothes and tools that we will send to the families..some clothes will go to the cancer Foundation and some just got thrown away…

Mum and I spend a lot of time together…we did that before and we keep that up. Eat dinner together, either here or at her place, shop together…the few days we spend apart we talk over the phone..

As it would be expected neither my sister or brother have contacted Mum since the funeral……I am so angry at them - they stood at the hospital and at the funeral, crying and telling Mum how we should all be close now - but Mum says that she didn’t expect them to….I’m just stupid I think…

Tomorrow, Wednesday is the urn reduction at 1 pm..so far My Mum and I will attend… I’ve bought flowers like the ones I made the bouquets from and a Guardian Angel to put in the grave before the urn..My Mum wanted one in pink quart as that is a love stone …I’ve made a pair so that there is one for her too…

So that is what have been happened here..I´ve started writing Thank You cards for all of you, that have send a card. I will get to all of you promise.

♥love you all♥

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Comments

( 51 comments — Leave a comment )
paloma1182
Aug. 17th, 2010 05:37 pm (UTC)
Pippii my love, I remember standing there when my dad died and feeling so angry that the world just kept going and going and i was stuck in the middle watching it move around me. I know exactly how you feel...

Im glad that you are donating his things instead of just throwing it all away. I kept some of my dads things for me because i knew it would help me on the days that i missed him so much. My dad loved flannels and comfy pj pants so i kept those... im glad that i did. I would suggest that you do the same? keep something of your dads for urself.

I love you pippii- I wanted to send you a little something with my card so I had to wait for it to come in... (i ordered it online) so my card should be in the mail this week *i hope it gets here soon so i can send it* i wish i could shove myself in the envelope so i can hug you and your mommy :(

xoxoxo i love you pips! im always praying/thinking about you and your mommy
pippii
Aug. 17th, 2010 05:46 pm (UTC)
♥I love you so much my Baby-Doll♥
It is so nice to have someone here tht knows how I feel..
I´ve kept some things of my Dads, a zippo ligher that he bought when he was on Greenland three years ago. Some knives that he collected, a genuine black Stetson hat and a lot of pictures..
We are not done cleaning out his things so there will be more..and he would want us to make some money from his things, the families in Bosnia was very close to his heart.
I wish I could post you here too...I love you baby-Doll♥
Hugs and kisses
me and Mum
(no subject) - paloma1182 - Aug. 19th, 2010 04:58 am (UTC) - Expand
magser
Aug. 17th, 2010 05:38 pm (UTC)
Love you honey......
pippii
Aug. 17th, 2010 05:47 pm (UTC)
♥Love you Magser♥
Thinking of you honey♥♥
Hugs and kisses
schnute23
Aug. 17th, 2010 05:40 pm (UTC)
Oh Darling, give yourself time.

This all happened in such a short time.. and you are doing GREAT, you are such big help for your Mom. These wounds will never heal completely ♥ ♥ you are AWESOME!
pippii
Aug. 17th, 2010 05:51 pm (UTC)
♥I am sooo glad that I have you here Steph♥
It is hard and it will be harder for both me and Mum, but some how you and my lj friends here makes it so much easier for both of us...I tell Mum about all your kind words and print all the sweet comments for her...
♥Hugs and kisses♥
(Deleted comment)
pippii
Aug. 17th, 2010 05:57 pm (UTC)
♥hugs♥
Actually I wish I could cry too..but I haven´t cried the past three years since I got diagnosed with the cancer..and now I just feel I have to be strong until Mum cries...its insane I know..
Luckily Mum and I have always been close, and we support each other through this..so if dinners and clening out if the way to go, then it is the way to go..
I love you sweetheart

And Mum sends her love to you and Hannnah and Annett..she worried a lot about Hannah until I could tell her that she was out of the hospital.
♥hugs and kisses♥
(Deleted comment)
theron09
Aug. 17th, 2010 05:45 pm (UTC)
It sounds like you're being very strong for your Mum, bb.

*huggles* Love you!!
pippii
Aug. 17th, 2010 05:58 pm (UTC)
♥thanks sweetheart♥
Well I´m doing my best for her..
♥hugs and love♥
zomzoms
Aug. 17th, 2010 05:55 pm (UTC)
It's good that you and your mum are close. After my dad's death last year I became closer to my half-sister - we spend hours on the phone every night.

Make sure you are taking care of yourself.

*Hugs for you and your mum*
pippii
Aug. 17th, 2010 06:52 pm (UTC)
♥thank you sweetheart♥
I´ve always been really close to my parents, and that haven´t changed..
♥hugs you so tight♥
screamoutloud
Aug. 17th, 2010 06:54 pm (UTC)
Hey baby.
Just know that you can write to me any time you want, you dont have to wait.
Hope to hear from you soon.
♥♥♥♥
pippii
Aug. 18th, 2010 05:43 pm (UTC)
Hey darling♥
Thank you for your sweet offer and thank you for the cute card, it arrived today..I´m gonna write you soon and answer your questions. You´re welcome to ask me anything you want to.
♥huggles♥
woman_of_
Aug. 17th, 2010 06:56 pm (UTC)
I remember that feeling. Very well.

*big hugs*
pippii
Aug. 18th, 2010 05:44 pm (UTC)
♥Hugs♥
I´m sorry, it is a horrible feeling..
♥Hugs more♥
deanvica23
Aug. 17th, 2010 06:58 pm (UTC)
i understand baby. All change yes. One person loved left you must accept the idea that you will not see anymore. And that take of time lot of times. Lot of things will make you at him food,holidays,movie etc. When i seen my mother dies on a bed of hospital it was so unreal.when a person say you by phone it 's so much crasy.I was n't close of my mother as a mother with his daughter. For her it was very difficult to be a mother.BUT she missed me lot when i had my kids , when i was pregnant.
yes it's well the next months to be with your mother. Even make a travel together this autumn.Im sorry for your bro and sister. There is the shock too maybe with the time.
If you need to write your feelings, of long mails im here baby.

Love you.
pippii
Aug. 18th, 2010 06:17 pm (UTC)
♥thank you love♥
It is a hard time right now, but I am pleased that I have my Mum and that we can support each other. And having a friend like you to support and care for me and my Mum..that makes it all so much easier.
♥love you♥
aelia1980
Aug. 17th, 2010 07:17 pm (UTC)
We just friended each other some hours ago and I just read this but even though I don´t know you at all yet I want to express my condolences for your loss, I´m very very sorry to hear that your dad passed away. Luckily my parents are both still alive and as I am particularly fond of my dad I don´t really want to imagine a world without him so I can imagine how hard all that must be for you. And it´s very sad that your siblings don´t support you and your mom :(

I´m sending you my best wishes and lots of strength for you and your mother for the coming days and weeks. *hugs*
pippii
Aug. 18th, 2010 06:15 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much my friend, this is so kind of you...I´m sorry this is the first post of mine you get too...
My siblings and terrible people that is all I can say..
Thank you for your support honey.
♥hugs
(no subject) - aelia1980 - Aug. 18th, 2010 07:04 pm (UTC) - Expand
alena2b
Aug. 17th, 2010 07:25 pm (UTC)
*hugs really tight* I'm there with you and your Mum in my thoughts...
pippii
Aug. 18th, 2010 05:45 pm (UTC)
I know honey and it is so comforting to know.
♥huggles and kisses♥
saurina
Aug. 17th, 2010 07:42 pm (UTC)
Åhh sweetie.. Jeg ved det er en svær tid at komme igennem, hvis man da nogensinde kommer helt igennem det. Men det er godt at du og din mor har hinanden at støtte sig til og læne sig op ad, især hvis dine søskende er mere eller mindre fraværende.

Jeg vil tænke på dig og håber urne nedsættelsen vil blive endnu et smukt minde.

Take care ♥
pippii
Aug. 18th, 2010 05:47 pm (UTC)
Tusind tak min søde..
Det er en hård tid, men det hjælper både mor og mig, at der er så mange søde mennesker der støtter og hjælper os, det gør det virkeligt nemmere.

Det var en smuk ting idag, pænt og ordentligt.
♥klemmer♥
daisychain1957
Aug. 17th, 2010 07:58 pm (UTC)
You and your mum are a strong pair, and together you can and will get through this.

*Hugs you both tight and sends you love*
pippii
Aug. 18th, 2010 05:50 pm (UTC)
Thank you Susan, we can get through this..but what helps a great deal is all you wonderful people here, that supports and helps us, that makes it so much easier.
♥hugs and love♥
kes1807
Aug. 17th, 2010 08:44 pm (UTC)
*hugs you tight* you just described the way I felt, why was the earth still spinning when my world was in a million pieces.

Thinking of you and your Mum, sending loads of love and hugs to you both ♥
pippii
Aug. 18th, 2010 05:55 pm (UTC)
I know you know how this feels, and I´m so sorry you had to go through this too..
♥thank you for being such a lovely and caring friend.
♥hugs you back♥
elebridith
Aug. 17th, 2010 08:52 pm (UTC)
*huggles* Stay strong, sweetie, we'll be with you in spirit!
pippii
Aug. 18th, 2010 05:54 pm (UTC)
I know sweetheart, and that makes all this so much easier..
♥hugs and kisses♥
2sexyboys
Aug. 17th, 2010 09:31 pm (UTC)
I don't kow how you feel losing a father, thank God, but I've nearly lost him twice...that was enough for me. Have lost my brother though, that was nearly more than I could bear. I wanted to tell the world to stop and feel what we were feeling, but it doesn't, it goes on while we grieve for what we loved and lost.


Love you hon'
pippii
Aug. 18th, 2010 06:20 pm (UTC)
That is exactly how I felt..it was so unfair and unreal that the world just went on and people on the street were happy.
But having a friend like you makes is so much easier.
♥love you too♥
x_posed_again
Aug. 17th, 2010 09:59 pm (UTC)
I still owe you a card, sorry I haven't sent it yet!!
pippii
Aug. 18th, 2010 05:53 pm (UTC)
Don´t worry about is honey, it´s fine..
♥hugs
geek_hunter
Aug. 17th, 2010 10:03 pm (UTC)
I know how you felt about the world stopping. After mom got confirmation for cancer, we stood outside the doctor's office and hugged each other and cried. I saw a couple of teens standing together and making silly faces and laughing, and I was so angry with them. Of course, it was misdirected anger at my mom's and my own situation. I think we must allow ourselves to feel these "irrational" emotions, just to let them out.

That's so great that you are donating your dad's stuff. I thought that this might bring your family closer too, but I guess old habits die hard. I hope your brother and sister will realize the value of family sometime soon.

It's so sweet that you made matching angels for your mom and dad. She is in my thoughts.

Lots of love and warm hugs
T
pippii
Aug. 18th, 2010 06:23 pm (UTC)
It is such an unreal feeling seeing people walking by and being all happy and so, when you world have just shattered..

I think my Dad would like the idea of donating his things or sell them and use the money on out "families" in Bosnia, they were very close to his heart.

As for my siblings, what can I say...they are as they always are.

♥thank you so much sweetheart♥
Hugs and love
fabilimah
Aug. 18th, 2010 12:26 am (UTC)
you and your mom are strong Piips.
♥ hugs ♥
pippii
Aug. 18th, 2010 05:51 pm (UTC)
♥Thank you my Pada-Girl, we are, but you being here makes it easier.
♥hugs
i_o_r_h_a_e_l
Aug. 18th, 2010 04:20 am (UTC)
I'm sorry that your mom doesn't have any contact with your sister or brother, dear. Sometimes it's just hard to understand people. *hugs you*
pippii
Aug. 18th, 2010 05:52 pm (UTC)
My siblings are horrible people, they have treated my parents so bad....
♥huggles♥
(Deleted comment)
pippii
Aug. 18th, 2010 06:26 pm (UTC)
Idioter er det helt rigtige ord for dem....
Jeg er nok mere overrasket over det end min mor er.
Det går godt, vi er meget sammen og får ryddet op og ud i nogle af de mange ting min far havde...han smed åbenbart aldrig noget ud;)
Det hjælper min mor, så det er det vigtigste.
♥klemmer♥
babydracky
Aug. 18th, 2010 07:46 am (UTC)
You do know that I know how you feel.
Life has to go on but sometimes it is just so difficult. You see smiling face everywhere, people laughing, happy when you just think "it is over".
But you do have your mum, Sarah and a lot of friends who love you and who will make going on easier.
I want you to be happy gain.
LOVE YOU
pippii
Aug. 18th, 2010 06:32 pm (UTC)
♥love you so much sweetie♥
I am amazed that you have the energy to take care of me, when you have had a terrible loss yourself recently..you know, I should be there taking care of you....
I am so lucky and grateful that I have you here along with my Mum and Sarah..together we can get through this.
♥Hugs and kisses and love you again♥
♥♥♥

Edited at 2010-08-18 06:32 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - babydracky - Aug. 19th, 2010 06:59 am (UTC) - Expand
ala_tariel
Aug. 18th, 2010 12:25 pm (UTC)
Annette, *HUGS YOU*

I'm glad you managed to spend all the time with your Mother. That's all that count. She needs you the most now. I know that from experience.

Take care, Hon! ♥
pippii
Aug. 18th, 2010 06:27 pm (UTC)
Thank you Dian..it means a lot to me tht there are some people here that understand how I and Mum feels about this.
♥hugs and love honey♥
catsperspective
Aug. 18th, 2010 01:59 pm (UTC)
Hi sweetie,

I can remember feeling the same way on occasion. You whole world has stopped and yet you can see everyone else continuing to go on. It is a very strange feeling and hard to deal with. I'm so sorry you are going through this and know that you and your family is in my prayers every day. *hugs*
pippii
Aug. 18th, 2010 06:29 pm (UTC)
Andrea, you are so right, it is such a strange feeling that everything just goes on in the world, when my world have changed forever...
Thank you for being such a wonderful and sweet person and friend to me.
♥hugs♥
( 51 comments — Leave a comment )

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