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So what is new then….

Well my Dad is almost back to what he was before he got sick, so that is really good.
My Mum is doing good, loosing weight and her blood sugar levels is looking really good….I actually got a big thank you from her doctor last Thursday as she had her appointment, when she told him it was my cooking that did the trick;)

And me…..I’m so not good right now..
Seems like all the barriers I put up when I got sick and used my energy to stay happy and cheerful for other people is finally breaking down.
I’m so depressed and sad, right now, still trying to be cheerful and happy for other people, but it is not going so well now….I have a lot of feelings, emotions and thoughts running around inside. I talk to my Mum about it and that is good as she tries to understand….I had a session with the therapist yesterday and she said I only have two sessions back, as I can only get twelve. That is so bad, because I can feel it is helping now, so I hope she can do something to let me continue.

Mum told me sometime ago that she had read that people surviving lethal deceases like cancer, stands on the other side of a river from other people because they don’t know how we feel now. I’ve tried so hard no to but……I have to admit I’m standing there on the other side of that river…and I feel completely alone right now.


I found these today, and wanted to share them with you








Comments

( 47 comments — Leave a comment )
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lusaly
Jul. 15th, 2009 04:32 pm (UTC)
oh honey, be careful ♥
pippii
Jul. 15th, 2009 05:41 pm (UTC)
I will honey♥
biggelois
Jul. 15th, 2009 04:42 pm (UTC)
Hunnybunny, I'm thinking about you. I understand you're exhausted by now. Don't feel bad about feeling bad. It's totally ok to do that.

::hugs and kisses::
pippii
Jul. 15th, 2009 05:42 pm (UTC)
Thanks sweetheart,
I know it is just I´ve always been able to handle anything you know.
♥big huggles to you♥
hay1ock
Jul. 15th, 2009 04:48 pm (UTC)
Oh babes *snuggles you tight*

Loves you X
pippii
Jul. 15th, 2009 05:43 pm (UTC)
aww thanks hunny♥
Loves you back♥
garvaldmains
Jul. 15th, 2009 05:08 pm (UTC)
Oh babe....

Hugs you so tight.... god depression is shit... tell me you are gonna tell someone how you feel... and A, dont take no for an answer, demand help babe, whether you think it is a good idea or not.... cos... I said so...

*loves ya babe* xxxx
pippii
Jul. 15th, 2009 05:47 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much Dix...
I talk to you, my Mum and the therapist and that helps...it is just that I don´t always know how to word all the feelings and chaos inside...
Adn I´ll tell them that you said I should have more help;)
♥loves you soooooo♥
jayneeeee911
Jul. 15th, 2009 05:20 pm (UTC)
Think of yourself and what you need.........those who love you will understand.
pippii
Jul. 15th, 2009 05:48 pm (UTC)
Thank you for being so sweet and understanding♥♥♥
kes1807
Jul. 15th, 2009 05:31 pm (UTC)
*hugs you so tight* You are not alone, you have us, we all love you:) email me anytime you need to rant.

Fight to get more therapy especially as it is helping you, you deserve the best. You don't have to be strong for other people, you keep you strength for you and lean on us to help you too. You have come this far, don't you dare give up now, you will get through this.

*hugs again*
pippii
Jul. 15th, 2009 05:50 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much Kes I know, and it means the world to me...
I mailed a couple of days ago, don´t know if you got it...but I will again I know.

I will not give up I promise that and I know I could never do that...It is just exhausting right now you know.

♥hugs and kisses and loves♥
buzziecat
Jul. 15th, 2009 05:36 pm (UTC)
Oh Pippii
I am so sad that you are feeling so bad and so depressed. Try to envision feeling better. It will happen. Perhaps you have put so much of your vital energy towards others that you are temporarily drained. But, you will get replenished. Really you will.
Monday, July 20th is your day. So many people are thinking about you and everyone posting that day - even if you don't see their posts if they aren't on your flist - will be posting for you as well as their own special person(s).
I don't know how your therapy sessions are determined (the # allowed) but tell the therapist how you are feeling and especially the intensity of your feelings. Don't be alone with those feelings.
You can always e-mail me at buzziecat@gmail. com if you want to talk privately. In the meantime, I'll look out for your posts.
BTW, no discredit to your mum but, just because someone wrote about being on the other side of the river - doesn't mean it's so. A lot of people know how you feel. Some of them have been through the same thing. And, some have had bad spells of depression.

Maybe the therapist can help you get into a support group of people with the same or similar problem. It really helps to share with people who are going through a similar situation.

And, cry if it helps. Cry and cry till you empty out some of the depression. It must be a very heavy thing to try to be cheerful for everyone else. Let them help you now.

*Hugs you*
buzzie

cat HUGG me graphic
pippii
Jul. 15th, 2009 05:54 pm (UTC)
Thank you buzzie,
Monday, July 20th is very importent to me, and I know it is to a lot of others too.
My therapist is really great, and I know she will help me to get some more theraphy...
I can´t cry, first it is the last barrier I have left to control I think, and I get some anti-depressives that keep me from doing so;)
The hug-cat is sooooo cute than you for it♥
(no subject) - buzziecat - Jul. 15th, 2009 06:17 pm (UTC) - Expand
(Deleted comment)
pippii
Jul. 15th, 2009 06:08 pm (UTC)
Tusind tak søde, jeg ved at det er ok, og folk er rigtig søde.
Jeg ved jeg kommer igennem det, det er bare hårdt lige nu, og så er det dejligt at have et "åndehul" her og kan tale med jer♥
KNUSER

jeg håber din mand har det godt igen
(Deleted comment)
pippii
Jul. 15th, 2009 06:09 pm (UTC)
Thank you my sweet får, I got your card a few days ago, that was so sweet of you. I hope you had a great time with your family.
You are so sweet to me.
I know things will be fine, and I know I can always count on you to be here for me.
♥Love you darlin♥
silkmoth101
Jul. 15th, 2009 06:09 pm (UTC)
Oh hun. Please try to get more sessions somehow, 12 are not enough! It happens often that after the beginning of therapy things get worse for a while before getting better. And you had so much going on lately, it's normal to be down. And this thing with the river.... it's true in a sense. But not only for people who had cancer, I think everyone is on THAT side of the river who had a life changing experience. So you're not alone at all. Hang on tight, sweetheart, and know that you can email me everytime you need to rant, talk or just cry.
LOVE&HUGS
Sabina
pippii
Jul. 15th, 2009 06:12 pm (UTC)
Thank you hon
I will ry and get more theraphy, as it is really helping me.
I knew you would understand the river, I think it is a good picture of how we feel..I´ll walk down my bankside and try and see if I can find you and give you the biggest hug ever.
♥LOVE AND KISSES♥
(no subject) - silkmoth101 - Jul. 15th, 2009 06:16 pm (UTC) - Expand
woman_of_
Jul. 15th, 2009 06:27 pm (UTC)
*hugs*

You have been so strong and giving to everyone, maybe it is time to get something back for yourself. You need someone to do the same for you.
pippii
Jul. 15th, 2009 07:19 pm (UTC)
Hugs back♥
I hope you´re right, and I´m so lucky to have amazing friends here, thank you♥
burned_phoenix
Jul. 15th, 2009 06:35 pm (UTC)
oh honey, I'm sorry to hear you're not doing good. why do you only get 12 sessions of therapy? I really hope you'll get some more, specially if they are just now starting to make you feel better
another idea would be some kind of self-help group maybe. I don't know, is there something like that? to talk about what's going on in your head with someone who has been there.

I wish I could be any kind of help for you.

it's good to hear though, that your parents are both doing better. small mercies :) *huggggles*
pippii
Jul. 15th, 2009 07:21 pm (UTC)
Apparently 12 sessions is what the doctors think will be enough.
But I´ll do my best to get some more...
There are groups, but I haven´t felt ready to go there yet, but maybe it is time...
You are such a great friend and I´m so happy to have you here.
♥big cuddles♥
(no subject) - burned_phoenix - Jul. 19th, 2009 09:06 pm (UTC) - Expand
ckll
Jul. 15th, 2009 07:05 pm (UTC)
You're not alone hun. You survived a terrible ordeal that other people cannot deal with.
As i told you, i admire your strength and your big heart.
Each day? Baby steps. Not easy but it's worth it.
Love you
pippii
Jul. 15th, 2009 07:24 pm (UTC)
Thank you Jas for being such an awesome and caring friend.
Baby-steps that is what we take to get better♥
Love you too♥♥
silverstrings
Jul. 15th, 2009 09:16 pm (UTC)
Å, min kære, det er vondt og svært at høre at du ikke ahr det godt. Jeg har dessverre ingen magiske ord der kan gøre alt bedre...

Jeg kan bare håpe at tiden vil gøre det lettere for dig, jeg vet ikke hvad andet, jeg kan gøre...jeg har også hørt at mange sliter med depresjoner efter en slik alvorlig lidelse, så du er ikke alene.

Si hvis der er noget jeg kan gøre for dig, kære, veldig glad i dig, vet du!!

*klemmer*
pippii
Jul. 16th, 2009 06:48 am (UTC)
Tak søde, det er så dejligt at have lj her hvor jeg kan sige hvad jeg føler og er ked af, og I forstår mig....
Jeg er så glad og taknemmelig for at jeg har dig min ven♥
Jeg holder så meget af dig.
♥knuser♥
dean494x
Jul. 16th, 2009 12:31 am (UTC)
Hon, you have been there for your family, being strong for them and now that they´re doing better you can breath and let all you´re feelings free and that means that now you don´t feel good.
Hope your therapist can find the way to give you more sessions and also feel free to talk and let go the angst and sadness you have been keeping inside because you needed to be strong.
Send you a big hug and you can always find support here.
* Un abrazo *
pippii
Jul. 16th, 2009 06:54 am (UTC)
Thank you so much for your kind words honey...
I´m so blessed haveing such amazing friends here, that always listen and cares and helps me through tough times...
I´ll find a way to get more sessions, get my doc to give me them or something..
♥big hugs and kisses♥
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